2 AM Rambling

These days, sleep just isn´t something I get much of and believe it or not, the boys aren´t 100% responsible for that!

While they do wake up during the night still, Dorian has been really good and often only gets up once early on and then sleeps through till 5. Dante is up and down still, but Irving has taken over dealing with him so I can sleep . . . so why am I not sleeping?!?

There´s a lot of pressure on moms to do everything well and if you work at home, it´s really hard to separate your work self from your mom and wife self. So I spend a lot of time stressing about not cleaning or folding laundry when I´m working and when I´m folding laundry or doing dishes, I stress about not working. Silly, right?

It means that when I wake up early in the morning, I feel obliged to get up and be productive. This morning, I´m up at 2 am. I went to bed at 11:30. And I´d been up since 4 am! Much as I´d like to carry out the punishing hours I did as a teen . . . I´m not so young anymore and am finding that I need multiple Red Bulls, a few gallons of coffee, or a couple of naps to keep me alive on days like this.

Am I productive? To a point. The early morning hours are usually quiet . . . though this morning Dorian is awake and talking in his room . . . and it´s far easier to focus on work when the kids aren´t clamoring for my attention. But . . . I´m more tired. So I´m not really sure which is the better option at the moment.

Another part of me is straining to be more productive because I turn 28 tomorrow and I´m feeling old (I know, it´s not that old, but it feels like it now) and unproductive. I have things I want to achieve before I turn 30 and they will require a lot of work!

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