And Back to the Beginning

I have a feeling Dominic is going to be very much his own person and march to his own beat. We went to my final doctor?s appt. today and the little rascal turned breech again (seriously, how am I NOT feeling this?!?!). And now he?s good and stuck in the sitting position, like a little Buddha in my womb. His amniotic fluid is quite low, no room to move his not-so-little head back down (he?s measuring nearly 42 weeks at this point) and so we?re back to the C-section.

It sucks. I hate the uncertainty and I was ready to give birth naturally again, happy to be in the private hospital and happy that Irving would finally be there for the birth of one of his sons. Except now it?s all going to be different. I think it?s the back and forth that has me messed up. I was ok with the C-section the first time, happier to be natural after that and now I?m kind of down about this return to C-section.

From what I?ve read, women who have had C-sections tend to be scared of birthing naturally. And those who have had natural births tend to fear C-sections. In the end, the baby is here and that?s what counts, right? I?ve read up extensively on the process and quite frankly there are two things that are really bugging me about it.

1. Pain. I?m a total wuss when it comes to pain. So you?d think having given birth naturally would have cured me of wanting more of that! But what worries me is the long recovery process and trying to bond with my baby while dealing with a healing incision. It shouldn?t be that bad, there are painkillers, after all and millions of other women have done this.

2. Catheter. I hate catheters and for some bizarre reason, this is my second biggest worry. Silly, right?

After feeling very grumpy about the whole thing, I decided that the only way to get over it is to focus on the fact that I?m going to be holding my baby in my arms in less than 48 hours. He?ll be born on Monday afternoon and I asked if I can keep him with me and the doctor said I can have him immediately, provided there are no complications and can even try to breastfeed right after Dominic is born, while they finish stitching if I want. Have I mentioned that I love my doctor?

Dorian is thrilled that we finally have a date. He hates the uncertainty and has been constantly asking EXACTLY when the baby will be here. ?One day? Two days? WHEN?!? So now he can count the days on the calendar, he?s content. He has a notebook that he carries with him now and he writes down his schedules. He will ask what we?re going to do if we?re going into town, make a list, with little periods after each thing and then cross it off as we accomplish each thing. He also makes a map for the trip and tracks where we are on it. So the boy likes order and this baby business wasn?t fitting into his plan until now!

Dante could care less. Irving is calm and collected, but feeling bad for me. He doesn?t care that this won?t be a natural birth and he?s all ready to take photos of everything. So in the end, I?m sure it will be fine. In the meantime, I have one more day to get the entire house in order and finish sewing Dominic?s hospital outfit. And a couple of articles to finish up so I can take a week off from work!

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