I Remember When I Had My First Breakup

Posted on November 19, 2008 - Filed Under Fun |

Thought I would follow up last week`s I Remember When meme with this week`s . . . since it`s so appropriate.

So, last week, I talked about T, my first boyfriend. That`s where my precedent for dumping guys first, before they had a chance to do it to me, got started.

See, it turned out that while I was having fun and hanging out with T, enjoying hikes with him and his buddy, going sailing with his family and such . . . he was falling in love with me. And I mean FALLING hard! It wasn`t a pretty sight.

Course, he was too shy to actually do anything about it, so one night, I got on the ferry and he handed me a note. Well, it was more a letter than a note. And it basically poured out his heart to me and how he loved me and wanted to be with me forever . . . and I freaked out.

Turns out I was commitment phobic. ;) So I stressed over everything for a few days and finally wrote him a letter back (I`m thinking now that the fact we had to write letters to each other instead of just talking about it was probably a good sign that we were too emotionally immature to deal with a real relationship). Basically, I said I didn`t love him and could we just chill things out. So we hung out still, but now it was just awkward. And he started trying to impress me with crazy, crazy stuff. Like lying about everything. I told him I didn`t want to date a liar. He told me he knew EVERYONE in town, and they all liked him. I asked him who the girl at the Walmart checkout was then and he couldn`t tell me. Stuff like that.

I wrote another letter. And it was to break up with him. I just gave it to him before I left the next time we saw each other. He called me like 12 times a day for a week, sobbing and begging me to take him back and I felt AWFUL. But not awful enough to take him back. :P

So that was that. About a month after he gave up calling me all the time, a girl from cadets called me and invited me to their wedding, which was a month later. Apparently she`d always liked him and so, when he was free, she jumped on the chance to be the rebound . . . and he asked her to marry him. I don`t know much about that, since I didn`t go to the wedding (how awkward would THAT be?) which was just 2-3 months after I`d broken up with him, but I do know that they got divorced sometime in the ten years since then. He`s actually on Facebook. And I think he just got married again. Hopefully it will work out this time!

The weirdest part about all this? I was really good friends with his parents and one day, at a dance that T was djing for (he had his own business), his dad came over and said, “I realize you probably won`t be with my son much longer, but I just want you to know that I think of you as a daughter already and I`d really like it if you would still visit us.” This was after the first letter, so it was definitely on my mind and he must have figured it out. T`s mom told me something very similar a few days later!

I don`t know about you, but staying friends with an ex`s family (especially if he still lives there!) isn`t really that easy. So we didn`t stay in touch, though I found his mom through a midwifery site about six months back and we had a little catchup email.

And, to make a long story longer . . . I decided right then that I would never let a guy break up with me, I`d make the first move. It looked WAY too painful. And I mostly stuck to that except once when a guy that I really did love convinced me NOT to break up with him . . . just so he could do it a week later. :P


5 Responses to “I Remember When I Had My First Breakup”

  1. Jessica K on November 19th, 2008 8:19 am

    Wow, so a guy who was too immature to tell you things and had to communicate through letters got MARRIED two months later?? That is insane. Someone was in love with commitment it seems.

    We’ve found another way we are similar! I always dumped guys before they had a chance to dump me. The only exception was a guy who I had been great buddies with before we dated, and we had NO chemistry, but I made the mistake of making out with him one night (just cause I was bored… yes, I was that kind of girl), and so a very brief relationship ensued. I was so relieved when he broke up with me, but also embarrassed that I didn’t do it first. Ugh. “Breaking up” is just one of the many, many reasons I’m thankful to be married to my soulmate.

  2. Gloria on November 19th, 2008 8:53 am

    So glad you’re looking at this humorously…I was tickled. =) And same here, I’ve never been dumped by a guy ever. But not for the reason that I want to be the dumper and don’t wanna be the dumpee. It was just I took more initiative to cut my losses quickly. I usually only dump when things are super-irrepairably bad. T sounds really…freaky.

    BTW Milo is similar to Ovaltine but waaaay better. (Note: very biased POV) =D Stronger chocolaty taste. And again, way better than Ovaltine. I thought Ovaltine taste a bit more like Horlicks.

  3. Expat Mom on November 19th, 2008 11:51 am

    Jessica, it really is a relief to have found the right guy, isn`t it? No more of that dreading . . . now you look at the problems and have to fix them, lol.

    Gloria, if I`m ever in Australia, I`m so getting some Milo! I hate Ovaltine anyway. :)

    I should also mention that he went a bit berserk at this time because right when I was thinking about leaving him, one of our friends, a recovering drug addict who had FINALLY gotten her life in order, was killed in a horrible, horrible car accident along with one of T`s other friends. He saw the whole thing, he was driving right behind them. So that might have had something to do with him being so weird at the end. :S

  4. burntofferings (Bernie) on November 19th, 2008 4:57 pm

    HUH!!! I got dumped by my ex, and thankfully, I am in a MUCH better place now… So it does not really matter who dumps who, but how you move on (mind you, 3 months later getting married is a bit much!).

    And MILO is way cool… I might send some across?!?!?!

  5. Deb - Mom of 3 Girls on November 20th, 2008 1:33 am

    It really is interesting to look back at our previous loves from so far away now and see how everything has all worked out… Thanks for playing along again this week! :)

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