One Last Post On Death
Posted on November 24, 2008 - Filed Under Kids, Personal | 3 Comments
I promise, I`ll return to happier things after this post. 
And actually, this one isn`t so depressing. I just got to thinking about death and animals and seeing my kids finding out first hand about it reminded me of when I was little.
We didn`t quite have a farm when I was Dorian`s age, but we did have a TON of goats. Well, it seemed like a lot to me. 
They were big for me and one billy goat was always knocking me down, which really pissed me off!
Unfortunately, we had a few losses one year . . . all the babies kept dying and it turned out that there was a selenium deficiency in the grass around our home. As soon as my parents were able to figure it out, they just gave the goats a supplement and all was fine. However, in that brief span, a lot of babies were stillborn and some died shortly after birth (no, I don`t remember ALL of this, my parents filled in the missing pieces later). One particular baby survived a few days and I fell in love with him, but, like the rest, he was too weak to survive and he died.
My parents worried that this would really upset me, but I was a Bible-raised child and had a solution. I named the baby goat Lazarus and stood there by the goat shed door and said, “Lazarus, come forth!” Well, that baby goat didn`t move an inch. Of course not . . . Lazarus in the Bible had been dead for 3 days before Jesus raised him from the dead . . . so I told Mom and Dad that we had to wait. And they did. They left Lazarus in there for three days (I hope it wasn`t dead summer!) and then I went back to the shed and commanded very firmly, “LAZARUS, COME FORTH!”
My dad later told me that he almost expected the baby goat to get up and walk out, my faith was so strong! It didn`t though, but that didn`t seem to shake my faith. According to my parents, I just said, “huh.” And went off to play.
Last night, I felt bad for having let Dante see Tasha like that, but at the same time, I don`t think hiding all the ugly things in the world is the best idea. They`re going to have to face these things at some point and while I can certainly protect them for a while, things like death have an awful way of sneaking up on you.
To end on a funny note, this morning, I was laying on the living room floor, napping while the boys were playing. Dante came over and looked down at me and said, “oh, owie.” Dorian came over and said, “Oh, Mama, you have owie, right here! It hurts?” Apparently I have something on my forehead. A zit no doubt. I just said, “no”. And closed my eyes again. I heard Dorian running into the bedroom . . .
“PAPA! She`s dead!”
“What? Who died? Tasha?”
“NO. Mama. She`s dead with an owie on her HEAD.”
R.I.P. Tasha
Posted on November 23, 2008 - Filed Under Personal | 6 Comments
Our poor Tasha didn`t survive. We buried her tonight in what will eventually be our flower garden.
Irving wanted to spare the boys completely, but I feel that it`s important for children to know what death is. So we had a compromise. Irving and his brother dug the hole and then we let the boys come outside briefly to say goodbye.
Dorian just said, “Bye, Tasha.” But Dante went insane, screaming and yelling and trying to get to her. 
It wasn`t fun and I kind of regretted having let him see her dead. But what is done is done.
R.I.P. Tasha
Worried About Tasha
Posted on November 23, 2008 - Filed Under Kids, Personal | 2 Comments
Tasha started acting weird on Friday. She wasn`t terribly interested in her food (though she scarfed down the leftover hamburger meat the boys left) and seemed down and listless. She spent most of the day sleeping.
Yesterday, Saturday, she perked up quite a bit and started playing with the boys and running around again. But at about 4 pm, she headed to her usual sleeping spot and crashed there. We checked on her a few times as we went to the bathroom and she seemed fine popping her head up when we called out to her and perking up her ears.
This morning, I went to the bathroom and noticed she was sleeping still. Not unusual. On my way back, I saw something slimy and red on the path and realized it was blood. There was more blood a foot away. As in, pooped blood and mucus. So I took a second look at our puppy and there she was, laying in her normal spot, her front legs stretched out very straight, like you might if you were trying to deal with a lot of pain. But it was her eyes that worried me, she has the exact same look as my German Shepherd, Niko, when he was poisoned a few years ago. That weird look that dying animals have . . . like they`re looking right past life and into the afterworld. It`s a look I really hate.
We don`t have much money right now and vets would charge an arm and a leg, but it`s also Sunday, so that means we can`t find anyone who is actually open for business. So Irving is out searching for someone who can help poor Tasha, but I`m afraid it`s too late. I don`t know what happened and if any action had been done, it needed to be done two days ago, when we thought she`d just eaten something bad.
Update 8:45 - Irving found someone to come and check Tasha. She swallowed a chicken bone (the in-laws gave her chicken bones, we know not to) and it got stuck somewhere inside. Prognosis iffy.
Need a Little Help for Christmas?
Posted on November 21, 2008 - Filed Under Crafty | Leave a Comment
It`s no secret that I`m in panic mode right now, with just 32 days till THE day. And I figure I`m probably not the only one. So, I`ve put together a list of links to help you out this holiday season. These are all things I`ve found online to make or do for Christmas.
Planet June has a really cute crochet candy cane ornament that you could whip up in minutes. And really, it`s just making rows, so even the most basic beginner could do this.
Need some design ideas? Here are a TON of free Christmas stencils, just print, cut out and use.
Ever wondered how to make one of these?
Well, wonder no more. LizMarie has a tutorial on Flickr showing you just how to put these suckers together. I`m planning on doing a bunch to hang from the ceiling.
Here`s a fun gingerbread ornament to make with kids. All you need is sandpaper, a cinnamon stick and some paint.
If you`ve been thinking about making homemade stockings this year . . . you might want to get started. They tend to take longer than anticipated!
For chilly nights, these Granny Square slippers are really fun. I once knew a couple who kept about 15 pairs of these slippers in various sizes by their door so when you came in and took off your shoes, you just slipped on a pair of slippers and felt right a home!
Not sure how to wrap those yummy truffles or tiny toys you made? I found the PERFECT solution. These adorable little houses and boxes on Flickr can just be printed out, pasted to cardboard and cut and folded to create really sweet little houses. There are other designs, too, so you could use them for Christmas or Easter or even a birthday.
Last link for today . . . the sweetest little advent swag EVER! Love this, even though I`m not making it. I am, however, going to be making this cute peppermint star!
I`ll be linking to other fun and cheap ways to decorate for Christmas over the coming weeks, so stay tuned!
Tis the Season to Work Your Butt Off
Posted on November 21, 2008 - Filed Under Crafty | Leave a Comment
I don`t know about you, but Christmas is hard work, especially if you plan to make your own gifts! We aren`t going to make everything, but even so . . .
It`s a lot of work.
This year, I really want to make December special for my boys. They`re big enough now to appreciate things like Christmas crafts and cookie making and all that. For Dorian, this is probably the first Christmas he`ll actually remember in years to come. So I want to incorporate some family traditions and make sure that the house is actually decorated nicely this year!
We will put our tree up on the first of December, as always. I`m working at making some more ornaments for it, but I`m sure the boys will enjoy some salt dough cookie painting, as well!
Here are a few other things that are in the works at the moment:
- Christmas jammies (I actually drafted the pattern and have the tops made out of test fleece so far, the real stuff will be done shortly)
- Warm chenille hats that I`m crocheting for all of us
- Advent Calendar (plans are drawn up, just need the fabric and to figure out how to make the tiny ornaments)
- Cross-stitch ornaments with sparkly thread
And some stuff that I`m still planning . . .
- Car cushions for two little boys
- A nativity scene . . . possibly made of felt or clay
- Gingerbread house and cookies
- Garlands to hang over our very bare windows
- Some sort of wreath for the door
- Christmas music cd
- Napkins and tablecloth
- Christmassy placemats
Of course, the boys` gifts all need to be made as well. I`m so glad I finished their stockings last year! I wouldn`t have had time this year because I`ve been swamped with writing work lately (which is TOTALLY COOL, btw!). And, now that Irving got my sewing machine running, sort of, I`ve been sewing up a storm and it`s so much fun! Every night I work on crochet hats while we watch a movie and then it`s back to writing work before bed. Hopefully I`ll be able to share more photos soon!
Let`s Talk About Feelings
Posted on November 19, 2008 - Filed Under Kids | 7 Comments
I`ve been really working with Dorian on talking about how he feels, as opposed to scratching, biting and screaming. And apparently it`s working. Here are a few things we`ve heard over the past few days . . .
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At the lunch table this afternoon . . .
“I`m sad for Pepsi. It`s really sad there`s no Pepsi.”
After his brother was bugging him and taking his cars . . .
“Mama. I`m MAD. I`m SO MAD. Dante is bugging!”
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After going into his dark room to get a toy . . .
“WOOOO! I`m scared! That`s really scary!”
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Last night, after vomiting all over the floor, the chair and me . . .
“Well, that was disgusting.”
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It`s getting passed on, too. Now Dante will shriek at something . . . anything, really, from a bug to something on TV and run to hide his face in my leg, yelling “Me sus TASTE!” Which is his version of “me asustaste” which means “You scared me”.
I Remember When I Had My First Breakup
Posted on November 19, 2008 - Filed Under Fun | 5 Comments
Thought I would follow up last week`s I Remember When meme with this week`s . . . since it`s so appropriate.
So, last week, I talked about T, my first boyfriend. That`s where my precedent for dumping guys first, before they had a chance to do it to me, got started.
See, it turned out that while I was having fun and hanging out with T, enjoying hikes with him and his buddy, going sailing with his family and such . . . he was falling in love with me. And I mean FALLING hard! It wasn`t a pretty sight.
Course, he was too shy to actually do anything about it, so one night, I got on the ferry and he handed me a note. Well, it was more a letter than a note. And it basically poured out his heart to me and how he loved me and wanted to be with me forever . . . and I freaked out.
Turns out I was commitment phobic. So I stressed over everything for a few days and finally wrote him a letter back (I`m thinking now that the fact we had to write letters to each other instead of just talking about it was probably a good sign that we were too emotionally immature to deal with a real relationship). Basically, I said I didn`t love him and could we just chill things out. So we hung out still, but now it was just awkward. And he started trying to impress me with crazy, crazy stuff. Like lying about everything. I told him I didn`t want to date a liar. He told me he knew EVERYONE in town, and they all liked him. I asked him who the girl at the Walmart checkout was then and he couldn`t tell me. Stuff like that.
I wrote another letter. And it was to break up with him. I just gave it to him before I left the next time we saw each other. He called me like 12 times a day for a week, sobbing and begging me to take him back and I felt AWFUL. But not awful enough to take him back. 
So that was that. About a month after he gave up calling me all the time, a girl from cadets called me and invited me to their wedding, which was a month later. Apparently she`d always liked him and so, when he was free, she jumped on the chance to be the rebound . . . and he asked her to marry him. I don`t know much about that, since I didn`t go to the wedding (how awkward would THAT be?) which was just 2-3 months after I`d broken up with him, but I do know that they got divorced sometime in the ten years since then. He`s actually on Facebook. And I think he just got married again. Hopefully it will work out this time!
The weirdest part about all this? I was really good friends with his parents and one day, at a dance that T was djing for (he had his own business), his dad came over and said, “I realize you probably won`t be with my son much longer, but I just want you to know that I think of you as a daughter already and I`d really like it if you would still visit us.” This was after the first letter, so it was definitely on my mind and he must have figured it out. T`s mom told me something very similar a few days later!
I don`t know about you, but staying friends with an ex`s family (especially if he still lives there!) isn`t really that easy. So we didn`t stay in touch, though I found his mom through a midwifery site about six months back and we had a little catchup email.
And, to make a long story longer . . . I decided right then that I would never let a guy break up with me, I`d make the first move. It looked WAY too painful. And I mostly stuck to that except once when a guy that I really did love convinced me NOT to break up with him . . . just so he could do it a week later.
The Little Sewing Machine That . . . Uh, Couldn`t
Posted on November 17, 2008 - Filed Under Kids, Personal | Comments Off
I know, I said I wouldn`t be posting, right? Guess what? I can`t stay away. You guys are addicting. Either that or I`m just a sorry loser who has no real life friends and whose main conversations throughout the day center around whether or not dirt is for eating and how poop in a diaper is disgusting and poop in a potty is not. Anyway.
After my little midnight panic last night, I totally couldn`t sleep and so, to help me calm down and all, I wrote out a really ambitious to do list for today. :S A word of advice. Never (and I do mean NEVER) write a to do list at 1 am. It`s just not sane.
Here`s a glimpse of my midnight scrawlings . . .
- Write blogs (currently 7 paid ones)
- Write At Home Mom article
- Write turkey article
- Finish web content due today
- Fix sewing machine
- Shopping list
- Make puppets
- Plan gift list
- Make Memory game cards
- Plan Dorian`s birthday (he`s THREE in less than a month!)
- Make star mobiles for boys
- Wash clothes (by hand, since the washer woman quit)
- Clean Dorian`s room (it was up to the ankles in books and dirty clothes
There was a lot of other stuff, mostly involving gifts of people who read this blog . . . stuff like a crocheted scarf and two super smoking bags. In other words, a month`s worth of work. To be done in one day.
The sewing machine thing has been on my to do list forever. See, Irving used to put it up on top of our wardrobe. I can`t even reach up there and the sewing machine that I have is pure iron and weighs a ton. So I couldn`t get it down by myself, which just sucked because the only time I sew is when he`s not here. So I asked him not to do that and I set up a sewing table and everything and I even actually sewed there.
Until Irving decided that his sound equipment simply MUST be in the bedroom (why, I`m not sure, since he`s never in there except to sleep . . ) and my sewing table was perfect for it. To be fair, he DID consider my previous request not to put my sewing machine out of reach, so he did me one better . . . he put it in reach of EVERYONE! As in, small boys everyone.
I was totally oblivious until Dante and Dorian paraded out of the room one morning, about four months ago, all proud of themselves and handing me odds and ends. It took me a while to figure out where this tiny broken lightbulb and assorted springs and screws had come from.
The machine was torn apart, at least the pedal and front part. That poor, poor sewing machine, which says Singer on the side, but really is just a copycat machine, had seen me through four years. Through running my own store with baby clothes and assorted sewn bags and wallets, through custom sewing through six layers of heavy Guatemalan fabric for bus seat covers and through countless curtain orders. But it just couldn`t stand up to my little destroyers.
Today, I asked Irving to pull all the bits and pieces (which he supposedly stored) and I would start working on it. Well, we found out immediately that nothing worked. Irving mucked around for a bit and ended up getting this huge spider nest thingie out of the gears and the needle would go up and down. But the pedal was a lost cause. It`s basically just the bottom part of the pedal. He tried sticking another, older sewing machine pedal on there, but it didn`t work either. So here I sit, waiting for kids to wake up so he can resume his rather noisy attempts to fix a machine that, in my humble opinion, shouldn`t have even been broken. sigh. Oh well. At least I can start on the cross-stitch.
It`s All About Futbol
Posted on November 17, 2008 - Filed Under Guatemala, Kids | 4 Comments
For those of you who live in North America, futbol is soccer. Just in case you didn`t know. It`s Papi Fut season here, which means the whole town turns out in the evenings to hang out in the park, listen to music over the town loudspeakers and sip sweet coffee in plastic cups while they watch the young men play futbol. It`s a great time, but I haven`t been in eons, since the boys go to bed early. However, I think it`s time to start breaking some rules . . . after all, it`s almost December and soon the firecrackers and processions and fireworks will be keeping them up till all hours, right?
This week, I`m determined to get out of the house. Even if it means a late nap for my two little guys. And we`ll head down to watch Papi Fut, because my guys are all about the ball. And the fut. Cuz they`re totally Guatemalan dudes!
I probably won`t be posting for a day or two because Jessie just totally freaked me out with her Christmas decorating and I`m going into panic mode. I haven`t even started making gifts yet and my sewing machine is broken and I have to figure out if I can fix it myself or find someone who can, since Irving hasn`t yet made good on his promise to take a look.
Excuse Me, I Think I`m Lost, Can You Help Me?
Posted on November 16, 2008 - Filed Under Personal | 3 Comments
The past couple of weeks, I`ve been feeling like I`m just spinning my wheels. I`ve had a lot of work, which might account for some of it . . . I`m not moving forward on any of my own projects, but that`s not the whole issue.
Lately, it seems like the all I do is write and deal with whiny kids and think about stuff I`m missing. That sounds terrible, but borrowing a page from Christine`s book . . . just keeping it real.
Before I met Irving, I had zero interest in ever actually having a long term relationship. I`d tried it and it had backfired horribly, leaving me with a scarred heart and the realization that my original plans to go through life alone were more intelligent than I`d anticipated. As for kids . . . I figured I`d adopt them in my late 30`s, once I`d tried everything I wanted to do.
See, I didn`t have a very exciting life up until I left Canada. Most of my hopes and dreams were centered around doing stuff AFTER I left home and earned enough money to travel, etc. I dreamed of being an actress (since I was 6), a doctor and a writer. Well, I am a writer now, so one dream did come true, but there are times (like recently) when I look around at what I`ve become and wonder.
It`s not that I`ve become something bad. I`m a mom, which is mostly wonderful, a wife, which has it`s ups and downs, but is way better than I`d imagined, and a writer, a childhood dream.
But what I miss is being able to be creative and paint and draw and experiment with cooking and read books (in English) and being, well, ME. Maybe part of the problem is that I had that brief glimpse of what an exciting life could be, when I packed everything up, said my goodbyes to anyone I`d ever known and took off for foreign lands. It was scary, exhilarating and realizing that I could survive was so amazing.
I feel like I`ve lost myself somewhere along the way and I`m not sure if that`s the way it`s supposed to be . . . I mean, I DO have two toddlers, so maybe this is how it is until they grow up? But I`m not sure I want to just be Mom for 18 years, I want some of me back, too. Just not sure of how to get it back.
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