Scary Mama
Posted on October 13, 2009 - Filed Under Kids, Mom Stuff, Personal | 9 Comments
I’ve finally figured out how to frighten my children into doing just about anything. And it came from Avon!
My Avon order came today and in it was a clay facial mask that I had ordered. Eager to try it out, I spread some on my face, avoiding the eyes as it says on the tube. It felt great, smooth and cool and turned my face white. I thought nothing of this until I walked out of the bedroom and Dante stared at me with big eyes, backed away slowly and then started to cry! Dorian looked up and said, “Oh no, what happened to your FACE?!”
Poor Dante wasn’t sure it was me under that white stuff. He wouldn’t come near me. As he was hurrying toward his papa, not crying anymore, I went for the sink, crossing his path. He froze and then took a couple steps back until I had passed and raced into Irving’s arms. “Scary Mama!” he said.
A few minutes later, Dorian said, “You hurt me!” I asked how I’d hurt him if I hadn’t even gone near him. “You scared me and I fell down, so you hurt me.” Sheesh.
Shortly afterwards, he decided I was a monster. “You gonna hit me?” He asked. I said I wasn’t. “Come on, hit me! Like this!” And he swooshed his arm through the air. I flicked a hand in his direction and he let out a shrill scream and ran backwards until he hit the wall, pretending to be thrown against it. Guess what he wanted to do instead of stories tonight? That’s right. Be repeated “thrown” against the wall from a distance by Scary Mama. And then he gunned me down because we don’t shoot people in this house, but we do shoot monsters. 
Dante got over his fear of my face long enough to sit on Irving’s lap, relatively near me, and listen to a story, but I wasn’t allowed to kiss him goodnight!
Why didn’t I just wash it all off and stop freaking my kids out? Well, because it was not precisely cheap stuff and I figured I might as well get the full use out of it. 
Beauty before your child’s peace of mind and all that.
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9 Responses to “Scary Mama”
Talk to Me, People!
I bet next time you go to use it, they’ll want some too!
too funny! I sell Avon so when Deja was about Dante’s age she got into her Tia Ana’s tube of hair remover while I was napping. Daddy was at work, and somehow I ended up sleeping before she did. Not a good idea. I woke up to a very strong chemical odor in the room, Daddy had just come home from work and had followed a trail of hair from the bathroom to the bedroom. We both turned to look at Deja… There she sat in the bedroom watching Late Night with Letterman with a half empty tube next to her. Patches of her hair were gone and she was about to pet the nice kitty who sat down beside her… who was missing a few patches of fur himself. it took months for the hair to grow back nicely… for Deja AND the cat. So remember, no Avon hair remover….unless you keep it under lock and key-you definitely don’t want the boys thinking its a substitute for Moco!
I can only imagine how worried Dorian was
This is sooo funny! hahaaa
Both your story and Michele’s …
Yikes, Michele! Though it’s a little easier to explain a bald boy than a little girl, but still. If I ever get hair remover, I’ll be keeping it WAAAAAAY out of reach!
hahahahhahahaha.
you crack me up.
hahhahahaha
Kimmie
mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted
You must be one scary mama!!!
hahahaha
At least you didn´t put cucumber slices over your eyes! That would´ve made you night-of-the-living-dead scary!!!
I’ll have to remember the cucumber slices! That would really freak them out. Next time.
Who knows Avon could be such riot-tools? LOL!
Knew? Knows? Sorry, early morning and haven’t got my energy drink yet because NOTHING here opens before 9am. Drats.