Sometimes It’s All in the Attitude
Posted on January 10, 2010 - Filed Under Kids, Mom Stuff, Personal | 5 Comments
My goal for this month was to do more with my kids and spend more time with them. Let’s just say that hasn’t been going very well. It’s really hard to want to do stuff with your children when you wake up annoyed and irritated with them, I’ve discovered!
I love my boys to bits and pieces, but lately we haven’t been on great terms. They wake us up very early and being a night person, I get really grumpy about that, particularly since they will continue to come in to ask for different things or they start fighting at 6 in the morning and by 8 I’m so sick of fighting that I’m yelling, too. Not cool.
Last night, Dorian and I had a “discussion” about bedtime. Dante had gone to bed early because he fell asleep on the couch at 6:30. Dorian asked if he could watch another movie after that, one that would take him to a 7:30 bedtime, half an hour later than usual. I was working in the living room, he was sprawled on the couch, being quiet and happy, so I said yes, but he needed to go straight to bed after. He agreed.
Well, come the end of the movie, he started whining and complaining about going to bed. I was upset because I figured I’d been nice enough to let him stay up and he wasn’t even grateful for it! We ended in tears. I apologized to him as I tucked him in and all was forgiven, but I sat out in the living room after he’d fallen asleep, wondering how I can possibly NOT get pissed off with my kids over every little thing. We had a big issue yesterday with patience and I thought, if I can’t model patience (I’m an extremely impatient person), how can they learn it? By getting angry with their impatience, I’m just fueling it!
I was also reading several blogs and thinking about people who have lost their children or the ability to be with them. Those parents would do anything to be woken up at 5 am by their children. I take my children for granted entirely too often!
Anyway. It’s not exactly easy to change your personality. BUT . . . I realized that every morning, I set the tone of the day. If I wake up angry at them and grumping at my boys and subsequently my husband, we have 0 chance of having a good day. So I decided to try something. You know how they always say you should smile first and happiness will follow? I’ve decided to start something similar each morning.
So, this morning when I woke up, I smiled at the boys, even though it was still dark out. I told them I loved them. They looked at me suspiciously. I changed them without commenting on how early it was. They gave each other looks. I made some tea, fired up the computer and gave them the banana muffins I made last night and sat down to work, since I knew if I went back to sleep things would get hairy.
This doesn’t mean I will never get mad at the kids. It certainly doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly sprout some patience. But it does give me something actionable and simpler than “don’t yell at the kids” . . . I just have to smile and tell them I love them each morning and that is something that shouldn’t be hard.
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5 Responses to “Sometimes It’s All in the Attitude”
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That sounds like a great idea. Parenting is hard work, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, always always always. It is wonderful work, but there isn’t a time down… even when the other parent is watching the kids and technically you are off duty, a mom’s brain and heart are always ‘on’. Sometimes we get cranky. I understand and admit to the same thing, the loss of patience, etc. It’s natural, and it is so good to find a way to accept it and get a handle on it. I like your plan!
I know where you are coming from… it can easily become a horrible cycle if we don’t keep the right perspective. There’s nothing like another parents struggle to help us see what we have.
Thanks for your encouragement by example. If you can win this, so can I.
I understand what you’re saying completely! I am also a night person by nature, and mornings are very hard for me. Grant consistenly wakes up a 5 in the morning, and even when I can persuade him to come back to bed, I end up grumpy because he wakes me up every few minutes. I have figured out recently that if I stay up and get busy, like you’re doing, I am exhausted by 10pm, and I have actually started to adjust to early mornings/early bedtime. Keep up the good work, girly, and things will get better!
Genesis… I love you even more for this post!
I know what you mean about impatience, it’s my second surname.
Thinking about us babyloss-parents shows how incredibly big your heart is. I agree – I would change my freedom to sleep in anytime for a poke in the eye by my son at 6am on a sunday morning. I would give everything to have him here and drive me nuts the whole day.
Have you tried to get them onto a snuggle-mood (in your bed) when they wake up? Maybe they’ll fall back asleep cuddling with mommy?
I love this: “I just have to smile and tell them I love them each morning and that is something that shouldn’t be hard.”
Indeed.
Sending my love & xx
We do have snuggles some mornings . . . if they don’t wake up too full of beans! Otherwise, it turns into a wrestling match.
But they never do fall back asleep unfortunately. The past few mornings, though, I’ve been getting up with them and deliberately leaving the computer off. Though yesterday, we did turn it on to get music and I taught them to dance to YMCA! Turns out dancing early in the morning is just the ticket to get nice and warm.
Hugs to you, I wish your Dorian was there to wake you up nice and early, too.