The Loneliest Day of My Life
Posted on September 25, 2007 - Filed Under Personal |
I just realized how completely and utterly alone I am down here in Guatemala. I have no support at all.
Other expat moms get together, because their kids go to the same day care and they have cars, so getting from one place to another is not a problem. For me, getting to the house of another expat means packing up the kids, hauling them onto the chicken bus, getting squished by the multitudes, spending an hour or so of Dorian shrieking and kicking and hitting because he hates being squashed by strangers, and then walking 30-60 minutes to get to the person´s house. And then, trying to repeat the whole process before it starts to rain around noon. Not fun. I don´t do it now that I have two kids.
Last night, I discovered that the $900 I was expecting is not coming. The company was a scam. That was bad. I was depressed. But I decided to sell the articles elsewhere and write like mad to get back on top.
First, Irving took Dorian into town, which would normally be good, but now Dante is teething and wants 24-7 attention, so I did write a bit, but not a lot. Mostly, I just uploaded my stuff to Constant Content. Then he came home, left Dorian with me and had to burn a cd for someone who was waiting for him at the door. The next thing I know, he´s telling me that he is going to run into Antigua with this person and bring back specials from Burger King for lunch. Fine. Dorian was down for a nap, so it wasn´t a big deal.
Well, the supposed 30 minutes turned into 4 hours. I was annoyed. I was cleaning when he came home with Burger King stuff that was cold and gross. And he had been drinking. Anyway, we had a spat and I went to get my kids from the inlaws, where Irving had taken them when he first came home. This is where it really hurts. My father in law didn´t want me to take the kids. He thought I was going to do something to them! Like I would hurt my own children. I do have a temper, but I would never do anything to harm my children! Then he accused me of having hurt Dorian (who has a lovely goosebump on his forehead from throwing himself to the floor yesterday when he didn´t want to leave the other house, I wasn´t even there). I brought the kids back, but I´m really hurting right now.
The fact of the matter is, I´m in a culture that is not my own. It is one where the woman is always assumed to be at fault (I´m not saying I handled things in the best manner with Irving, but there is NO ONE on my side). My last friend moved back to Australia in Jan. and I´m pretty much at home all the time with the two kids. All couples have spats, I know. It will blow over. But the lack of trust and the . . . I don´t know what to call it, hatred is too strong, but something like that, that is coming at me from everyone around me is an awful lot to handle without any backup.
There are days when I really wish I´d just stayed home instead of heading out with my backpack.
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4 Responses to “The Loneliest Day of My Life”
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Oh my god, I feel for you for what is happening…
I am in a similar situation with my sister, we have not spoken for nearly 3 years after a ’spat’!!
Yes couples do have them from time to time, but I think that the ‘in-laws’ need to leave you guys alone. Sure, they may want to look after their son, but to accuse YOU of hurting a child, YOUR child, is criminal!!
Equality is simply that, we are all EQUAL!!!
Send you warm squishy (sp) hugs from Aussie land my frien, and I hope it gets better for you.
I am so sorry you feel so very alone. I feel that way at times, living thousands of miles from any family, but I don’t have to deal with it in a foreign country where expectations and situations are so different.
Keep looking forward with hope, things will be alright.
Hi, I bloghopped from Kailani’s page (Island Life). I am an expat mom in Dubai. I know what you mean not to have the luxury of a car and the pains of expat life. We moved here last January and I never realized I had no friends until a spat at home happened. I went out to vent but realized I had no one to go to!!
I hope you feel better soon. Well, you probably are alright since this post is a week ago already. Hate in-laws really. I am lucky that mine is in very far away Japan. All the best!
Thank you all. I am feeling better, still a bit lonely, but better.