This Week
Posted on December 25, 2009 - Filed Under Personal | 13 Comments
Christmas is over and it was a great one. I’ll post photos later. Right now, I’m settling into planning for the new year because this year, I want to make sure I stay on course and I want to be very, very focused.
This week is not going to be an easy one. This week, I’m making some very difficult choices . . . ones that are not going to make other people happy.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve gradually been weeding out things that suck the life out of me. I’ve left off communication with someone who delights in pushing people’s buttons and trying to create controversy because I don’t have the time or energy for that in my life. That was a huge step for me. And it opened up a door to an area of me that I don’t usually like to look at.
I tend to try and make people happy. I’ve done many things in my life because others would have been disappointed in me if I hadn’t. And never has that ended well. The times that I’ve followed my gut and done what I felt was best, those are the times when I have found contentment, happiness and success. Even when it wasn’t what everyone else thought I should do.
This year, my focus is on being happy. Most people don’t know that I suffered from years of depression and even tried to end my life. It took me a very long time to realize that I was the one responsible for my own happiness, not those around me. I couldn’t blame my circumstances, so I chose to change my circumstances . . . I left my home country. I almost never tell people my real reason in leaving Canada . . . I had all but given up on ever being even remotely not unhappy and I decided to give myself five years to see if there really was a reason to live. I headed out with the intention of either finding a good reason to stay alive or not staying alive. Fortunately, I met Irving, had my boys and while that black cloud has crept back once in a while, I have many reasons to stay alive now and I have been able to fight it off with the help of a very understanding husband and the love of my sons. But there are times when I still don’t seek out happiness, due to not wanting to offend others. That’s changing in the coming year. It’s not a new year’s resolution, it’s something that I have worked on for a while now and will be an ongoing change.
Certain things need to be purged from my life. This week, I’m going to be telling some people things they don’t want to hear. I’m going to disappoint some people, possibly make them angry, but in the long run, I know that it’s for the best. I want to spend more time with my children this coming year, focus on my own projects instead of limiting my income to a full time job, and eliminate things and projects that are going to trip me up along the way. And simply making that decision has already made me feel lighter and happier.
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13 Responses to “This Week”
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[...] What are your goals for this coming year? Do you set very specific ones or do you go more general? My theme for this year is to be happier. I wrote a post about how I plan to accomplish this on my personal blog. [...]
Sending a hug and praying that God blesses you with true joy, which is far superior to happiness that this world offers. Glad you’ve decided to make a few changes…may you find time to seek God’s face and see what He wants for your New Year. (and what He wants is good!)
big hug
Kimmie
mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted
*expecting again…from Ethiopia!
I think Kimmie said it all.
The black dog is a beast that many struggle to keep at bay, you are not alone. The brain is an organ that can have problems like any other. I have medical problems that I have to take meds for, many people do. My grandfather gets a visit from the black dog from time to time, it took him into his 70s to take his meds even when he was feeling normal. Good luck in this matter and all the weights that you carry in your life. nk
To me, life is a balance – you cannot see the light without the darkness to contrast. When I am feeling lost in that darkness though, I remind myself that the deepest blacks make the whites shine brightest. I remind myself to think of BIG, deep, heavy emotions as blessings – what should I have instead? Shallow, itty-bitty, puny emotions? :p I fully believe that the happiness and love in my life is greater because I understand and feel what the opposite can be. It’s tough sometimes, but I don’t think I would want it numbed or ‘averaged out’.
Good for you for focusing on YOU! “No!” is a damned fine word. So is “Me!” It is not selfish at all! You must do this. If you do not take care of you, you cannot care for anyone else. Focus on what you need to do to take care of you and love who you are and what you do – and it will automatically give you the power and balance to become the mother and wife your family needs.
Love and blessings! I think you are a beautiful person and I am glad to count you as a friend…. even if we have only met electronically!
That’s an awesome way to look at it, Connie! I definitely appreciate what I have now because I know how bad it can get.
Thanks, Norm. I’ve known many people who needed medication to stay on the level, but it’s also very hard because so many of us grow up being told that it’s a terrible thing to need meds for depression. It’s a stigma that has probably damaged many to the point where they will never seek help.
I have read you for several months and really enjoy reading about your life in Guatamala. I would love to send you a book if you could send me a mailing address. How do I go about that since I am challenged in the area of technology? v from Idaho
Good for you! Please let us know how it goes.
Congratulations Genesis! I need to take my cue from you! I too, tend to do things in order to please others and end up being unhappy.
Thank you for giving many of us happiness through your blog and your incredible recipes. Que Dios se lo pague y le traiga muchas bendiciones en el 2010!
I hope you had a great big hug from everyone in your family, lots of firecrackers and a tamal at midnight on thte 24th.
[...] ExpatMom has some resolutions for the coming year: This week, I’m making some very difficult choices . . . ones that are not going to make other people happy.Over the past couple of months, I’ve gradually been weeding out things that suck the life out of me. I’ve left off communication with someone who delights in pushing people’s buttons and trying to create controversy because I don’t have the time or energy for that in my life. That was a huge step for me. And it opened up a door to an area of me that I don’t usually like to look at. [...]
Thanks, Cristina! I actually spent idnight the 24th on my own, since Irving had to work, but it was still fun! I hope things go very well for you this year, too.
Genesis, my heart goes out to you. That was such an honest post. I’m so glad Irving and the boys came into your life. I read all your posts and find you to be very down to earth and without pretense. I wish you all the best in the New Year.